The Witsand Observer is proudly independent, rigorously unserious, and committed to treating absurd local realities with the gravity they clearly deserve. We report. We observe. We keep a straight face. If you find value in satire that refuses to wink at the reader, you may consider supporting the project financially.
How to Donate
Donations are accepted exclusively in Bitcoin, via the Lightning Network. This ensures fast settlement, minimal fees, and the comforting absence of committees. Paste the address into your Lightning wallet, send what feels appropriate, and carry on with your life uninterrupted.
Lightning Address: witsand@blink.sv
Why Bitcoin Only?
- No banks
- No paperwork
- No approvals
- No mission drift
- No awkward follow-up emails
Just direct support, with privacy so complete that even you might forget you contributed, like all the best decisions in life.
How Donations Are Used
Funds received help sustain the ongoing operation of The Witsand Observer, including:
- Coffee to engage the humor muscles
- Travel and holidays to let our minds rest
- Hosting parties, only inviting people who agree with us on everything
- Hosting and publishing infrastructure
- Writing and editorial efforts
- Coverage of local matters everyone agrees are “very important”
- Strategic community engagement
A portion of donations may also be allocated toward attending the Annual Fund Raising Event: The Donkey Derby. Nothing demonstrates a deep commitment to Witsand’s success quite like responsibly spending other people’s money on leisure activities, while sincerely acting as if we contribute to the greater good and “give back to the community.” This attendance is undertaken with the utmost seriousness.
Remember: Rome wasn’t built in a day, but Caesar enjoyed living like a king while building it.
Transparency
This is satire.
The Bitcoin is real, and we will happily accept your hard-earned money.
Thank you for supporting independent local journalism, whether through donations, readership, or quiet, judgment-free observation from a safe distance.